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Hookup tips for a feminist man


T here are things I've let slide when scoping out a potential beau — bad habits, bad spelling, bad breath although the last one's a stretch, truth be told — but if someone isn't a feminist, then it's a deal-breaker. That "Hookup tips for a feminist man," it can be hard to clock beforehand — dates being, as they are, opportunities to get to know someone you don't already know. To avoid time-wasters, I recommend sending over this quick questionnaire ahead of a meet: Mine's a pint — that OK?

Dating can be very confusing, especially when you add hangovers into the mix. But love's the greatest, right? I'll tell you what categorically isn't the greatest: Here's my alternative guide to the badlands of feminist dating. Let's start with the basics: Single beds are no fun. Single cream is the dairy of denial.

When you understand the new...

Single suggests something wanting. In my 20s, the first question on everyone's lips at family dos was whether I was seeing someone. Now this question has graduated — no, mutated — to whether I want kids.

I chug my vodka, wondering when I can feasibly escape for a fag. They narrow their eyes.


What can you say, to assuage their expectations, to lessen your sense of failure; but moreover to divert this frankly fricking rude line of questioning? Hey, girl, fancy coming over to mine and really smashing the patriarchy? Is what not to say.

It's generally best to avoid harassment of any kind. Last week I was on a train platform when a man asked whether I'd like to take a bath with him. I stood there, Hookup tips for a feminist man whether my discomfort was my problem or his problem. Was a bath necessarily sexual? Truly it's exhausting, giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Then I stopped wondering and told him to go bathe himself, or words to that effect. It's not often trad is best, but as a general principle, just asking someone whether they'd like to go for a drink works fine.

I follow several people on Twitter who use OkCupid and they often tweet messages they've received from randoms, which range from lewd to sinister.

Anonymous browsing is a big problem, because anonymity is so, well, liberating. At least on Tinder there are no unwanted advances, because you can chat only if you both swiped right, ie liked the look of each other.

I know a lot of satisfied Tinder users.

Can you call yourself 'single'?

So there's something infinitely depressing about hearing friends on older dating sites talk about waiting for blokes to get in touch with them, because they don't want to seem too keen or forward. If you're waiting to be approached, you're just being passive, and on the back foot from the get-go. She met up with a year-old hedge fund specialist she's 34 who bought her half a lager, talked about his dog for a hundred years and then Hookup tips for a feminist man I should say this friend is an idol of mine — a single mum who escaped a violent relationship to raise her amazing son while working her ass off at several jobs.

She says now he's 16, she's reached a point where she wants "looking after a bit". And while we're on the subject of messaging, how many of us have sent or received a penis selfie? A pelfie, if you will. This is a modern version of flashing, no? A version of flashing where you get to stay cosy, at home, half-naked in your favourite chair, a selection of instantly harassable women at your fingertips.

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